One foot in front of the other...

Today I'm thankful for:

* the feet in my shoes 
* the run clinic that gave me tips that helped me enjoy a 3 mile run today
* friends that know me and know how to help me

As I ran today and enjoyed it more then I have in a long time, I'm reminded that life really is just one step at a time.  Tomorrow will be four weeks since I lost my job.  A job search is quite involved.  It really is about who you know.  It's discouraging, it's exciting, it's a series of steps and being in the right place at the right time and talking to the right people.  So I'll continue to put one foot in front of the other as I lay the foundation to getting my next job.  The feelings I've had the last four weeks have been as volatile as Nicki Minaj's wardrobe, and the next four weeks will probably be the same.  But what matters is that each day I put one foot in front of the other, just like running. I wonder where my steps will take me tomorrow... 

"Get involved!"

As we find our new normal, (I say we and mostly mean I), our weekends feel different since I know it's time spent with my partner in crime and when Monday morning comes, he'll go to work and I'll be left to keep working to figure out what's next for me.  

Knowing that, and as much as I want to soak up every moment of companionship the weekend affords me, I find myself inspired to take this opportunity to make shifts toward being more of the person I want to be.  I want to build confidence as I further define me, live healthier and enjoy life and the beauty it has to offer more.  Dan has his crazy to attend to with a long training run this weekend, taking time to nourish his crazy, so it's time for me to open my eyes to the world outside of my previous routine and look at each day as an opportunity to grow and explore who I want to be in this next chapter of my life.


"Get involved!"  These words continue to ring through my head thanks to my 6th grade teacher who may never know the impact he's had on my life.  "Get involved!" aka, "turn off Bravo, get off the couch, get dressed and get out there!  Life is waiting for you!"  When I signed my name on the sheet yesterday to participate in a running clinic this morning, taking one of only 15 spots, I wasn't sure if I would actually get up and go.  There would surely be strangers there and what if I embarrass myself?  My pj's are so comfortable on a Sunday morning....

I have been attempting to begin a love affair with running for the past 5 years, but we just can't seem to find the spark.  Alas, when something came up that I almost said I would skip the clinic for, I remembered my efforts to be more of the person I want to be.  That includes doing things because I want to and putting myself first sometimes.  I didn't offer to skip the clinic as the old me would have most certainly done.  I went and so glad I did.  I learned and it made me want to go try out my new found knowledge about running form to see if I wouldn't be able to woo my body into giving running another chance at some affection.


Today I say thank you:

Thanks Mr. O for searing those words into my mind.  They help me do things that are outside of my comfort zone and have helped me in the past to try new things and find new friends.  I will keep repeating these words as I venture into my tomorrows.  Thank you.

Gratitude

Being the creature of habit that I am, it's not surprising that when change is forced upon me, it stresses me out.  I lost my job three weeks ago.  Although I am excited about the guaranteed change ahead, it's still change and it's still scary.  I like a routine and when that routine is taken from you due to your company "eliminating your position", it's quite a roller coaster of emotions day to day.  And that's ok.

I realize as I struggle with the anxiety and fear of not knowing what will happen, that what I believe most in the world is everything happens for a reason.  My husband and I even have matching tattoos representing these five powerful words.   As I worry about when I will get another job, money, the people I will meet, the job I will do, what I will do on my lunch hour... I have to remind myself that this is simply a new chapter in the book of my life.  It's not only a new chapter, it's an entirely new section as more then 40 hours a week of my life is going to be redefined.  A whole new cast of characters, new lessons, new habits, new friends, a new routine.

I have found myself overwhelmed with anxious feelings surrounding the concept of this new chapter.  I think it's time for me to take control of these feelings.  It's an automatic response for me to fear it.  But as I look back over the past 12 years of being an adult and think about each time a new chapter of my life started, whether it was my choice or not, things do happen for a reason and I need to trust that.  And most of the time, the reasons are wonderful.

It's time to start a gratitude journal.  Instead of focusing on the scary parts of not knowing what's going to happen, except that I am going to have to put on a suit and heels and smile and sell myself to my future employer, it's time to find the beauty in each and every day.  Time to count blessings and look to the deity that is larger then me and trust that everything will be ok.  Here it goes...

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Today I am thankful for:

• Walking the streets of our neighborhood with my loving and supportive husband.  We haven't done that in awhile.  We are usually rushing around, planning and executing.  Today we had a tax appointment and the rest of the day was up for grabs.  It was so nice to just walk and talk with this amazing man who I've been with for 10 years this year.  Back when we first met or even first got together, I never could have imagined what a blessing his presence in my life would be.  I am so eternally grateful to call him mine.

• sunshine and blue skies in February
• flat shoes
• a warm scarf

Until tomorrow...