What I think I look like...

The Gym

A place that is sometimes dreaded, sometimes passed up for the comfy couch or bed, sometimes annoying when there are no more spin bikes, or no treadmills available, and a place that is usually taken for granted.

I had the luxury of a gym right across the street when I lived in Chicago. I didn't even have to get in the car to go. The walkability of Chicago - one of the many things I love about it, but anyway, I digress. I didn't join a gym when we moved back to Colorado. I had the great outdoors, a fitness center in our apartment, and the guilt of being unemployed caused me to think a gym membership was something I could regain when I got a job.

After the weather turned cold, the outdoors weren't as much of an option. The apartment fitness center with two treadmills, a bike, an elliptical, free weights, and four weight machines... ya, that got old REAL fast. Not to mention the temperature was set to somewhere near 70 degrees. Ugh. So I did it, I asked to join the gym!

Today, after nearly six months, I made my triumphant return! Tour, ha, no need. I know how a gym works. Questions? I think not. I locked up my gym bag and was shown the location of the group exercise room. Ahhhhh, I have arrived! Zumba class. I took Zumba classes in Chicago, but it was a "Feevha" class disguised as a Zumba class. Now, Feevha is not much like Zumba.  Sure, there are some similar attributes, but definitely not the same.

The Zumba class was fun. The instructor very good, a nice amount of people, the music was cool, and I broke a sweat. Success! But oh boy, eyes need to stay on the instructor or the people in front who know what they're doing. Because I fully understand this now:












Eek! That can't be me in the mirror! Oh, it is. Look away, look away!

Well, regardless, I went, I did, I kind of conquered. The gym has it's challenges, but at the end of the day, sweating with other people, being told what to do for an hour, and being given a reason to leave your property and go out into the world, are all good things. I should have done it six months ago. Here's to working toward what I THINK I look like!

Four legs and a surface...

It's been months. Months since I last had the desire to write, months since we moved, months and months since I've had a job.

It's amazing what a table will do. Four legs and a surface. An invitation to sit and focus. Focus on the computer in front of me, tasks at hand, things to accomplish, even eating a meal. A laptop is just that, something to top your lap, but sinking into the couch with the tv ahead just doesn't inspire the same go get 'em attitude. 

Since the last time I wrote we've been to Italy, said goodbye to a beautiful chapter of our life and friends who have become like family, been welcomed by friends and family we left behind in Colorado who are happy to have us back, and had countless conversations about "what's next". 

Dan is training, training to move his body for 140.6 continuous miles this November, working hard, and seemingly enjoying his stay at home wife. Yup, he's still crazy, all these months later.

I've become quite the stay at home cat mom. My cats are well adjusted, social, and spoiled brats, as they should be. Dinners are cooked, rooms are cleaned, laundry is done. I lunch, I shop, I nest. I ponder what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. If only I could have a conversation with my 8 year-old self to see just what it was that inspired me back then. Lots of things inspire me now, but involve skills and experience I don't have to make me a viable candidate for payment. Shoot.

Maybe now my table, my computer, my music, candles, and focus can help me dig into more ideas of where to find a job. Someplace I can go everyday, talk to people, get paid! Weird when this becomes something that seems so impossible after more than 13 months of looking.

Ah well. In the meantime.... enjoying those Rockies:

Go time

I haven't felt much inspiration to write the past few weeks. My strengths have never lied in patience. Making the decision to relocate this fall has made the weeks when it was too early to start packing or look for a new job just feel like anticipating your birthday and realizing it is still 6 months away when you're a kid.

But now! Now we are deep into "go time"! Not only are we moving, but we are also traveling for two weeks to Italy! It's the last big item on our "pre-baby bucket list". We've been talking about going to Italy basically our entire relationship of 10 years. I think we've been subconsciously delaying it as we knew that it was something we had to do before we have kids. We are finally ready to go and are so looking forward to the time together, exploring a country with a rich history, amazing art, and fabulous food and wine. Then when we come home, we move within 10 days back to Colorado.

So many emotions have been taking place since "go time" officially started. It feels good to purge things we don't use. Give away things we know others can use, and donate to people in need. It's also stressful. Are we thinking of everything we need to do? Are we missing any key pieces? It's been waking me up early this entire week with my brain moving like a ferris wheel.  Around and around, stopping every now and then to load or unload a thought. Bittersweet is exactly what I'm feeling about leaving Chicago and moving to Denver. Leaving people who have become family isn't easy. It wasn't easy when we moved three years ago and it's not easy now. I will miss so many and so much about this city. But...  I AM excited to check out in Italy and just enjoy the moment and make some lovely memories with my partner in crime.

When we return we'll be in full swing moving mode, saying "see ya later" to family and friends, and making the most of our final days as Chicago residents. (sniff, sniff)

In the spirit of my blogging idol, Kelle Hampton, www.kellehampton.com, here are a few things I've been enjoying...

13.1 completed in Chicago's Rock 'n' Roll 1/2 Marathon!

Soaking up some sun at Lake Michigan!

Italy planning with some amazing Italian fare!

Mani/pedi's with friends and Moscato!

31st Birthday! Excited for what the next year will bring!

The beauty of Niagara Falls

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life. 

This song has never meant more to me as it does now. This was our high school song when I graduated. At 17, I didn't really understand the weight of these words. The first walls of my Lego castle have gone up. We have come to a few conclusions about our future.

This meandering river that is life is taking a turn, one we did not expect or anticipate to happen this year. We are going back to my home. We have decided to close down the party in Chicago this fall and move back to Denver to work towards our new goals. Turning 30 for both of us has changed our priorities. We both realize that we want to settle down. We want a house, a family, a dog, and for me, a new career. 

We came to Chicago to play. We played. We played and laughed. Hard. It has been an amazing time, and we will have been here just over three years when we leave. I feel so grateful for the experience we've had. It will always be a time in our life I look back on with a smile and joy in my heart.

With our new priorities in place, we both realize it's time to move on. It's time to enjoy and relish in the last smooth ride down the river path we're on and in a few weeks, get ready to flow with the changed course. It feels good to keep moving forward, but bittersweet to bring this fabulous chapter to a close. I owe Chicago and the friends we've made here a great deal of thanks. I'm planning a love letter to Chicago. Our friends will get theirs too.


Now more then ever it's important I live in the now. We have lots of plans to make, packing, sorting, and the fun task of moving and a 14 hour drive. But all of that will come. It's not here yet. So I want to file away the to do list and focus on being fully present in what's going on now. I love Chicago and will be sad to leave. But I'm not leaving yet - so excuse me while I relish!

Legos

I have this mental image in my mind of a pile of legos strewn across the floor, all the pieces there, but it's up to me to put them together. Arrange them in a way that makes sense and build something. I feel I've only identified that big green base and the other pieces, in a variety of shapes and colors await being chosen before anyone else can really make sense of what I see built in my head.

I've always been a person that likens things I don't understand to the things I do. And right now I can't identify all of the pieces and what they represent in rebuilding my professional life, but I know the pieces are there and it's going to take time, information, and support to decide just when to use each one and whether it's part of an individual piece or one that connects two things together. Just like building a castle out of Legos, you start with the base and sort through the loose pieces until you identify just the right one and push it into place.

I'm impatient. I want the castle built as soon as possible. But I know that it will take time. Maybe only one or two pieces will be placed a week if I'm lucky and that's hard. So I'm working on the patient part, the one that silences the "what ifs" or "I can'ts" and chooses happy in the meantime. Happy to feel excited and motivated to make this change. Happy to have the support of the most important people in my life. Happy to be taking care of me and making strides to be the best I can be both mentally and physically. I'm choosing happy even though there are unknowns and pieces that I know I won't be able to use for awhile. And as this blueprint of the next chapter of my life unfolds...

I choose happy.

Bling, Bling!

10 miles - check! I did it. I ran 10 miles! It was an amazing feeling as I completed each mile, not thinking about how many were left, but where would I be if I were on a training run? Or how far I've come not only physically but mentally too. Or admiring those that were out there with me. And of course, the bling. The bling that was waiting for me at the end. The shiny piece of metal that would say to the world - I just ran. I just ran far enough that they gave me this! I've done a number of 5k and 8k races, even a few sprint triathlons. But this is my first piece of bling, and I am proud.

It was also very cool to run during Memorial Day Weekend, finish inside Soldier Field, and hear some touching stories about our men and women in uniform during the opening ceremonies. We are so blessed to live in a country where we are free to run the streets, free to live where we want, eat where we want, work where we want, and free to say what we want to say. For this, I am thankful.

Knowing that I have come from barely being able to finish 5 miles to running 10 and feeling great gives me the experience of knowing that I can work toward something and achieve it. I now need to harness that confidence and pride into my professional life. Deciding to change careers and considering going back to school is scary. Totally scary. But nothing worth having is easy. I am working on keeping my eye on the bling at the end to help me through. Thanks to some special people in my life who remind me of this. It might be tough now, but there is bling at the end and if I want it bad enough, I can keep pushing when it hurts, when it gets uncomfortable, or when I want to stop. And for this reminder, I am also thankful.

Workin' for the bling!

Legs

It's time to be thankful for my legs instead of always wishing they were longer or thinner or more toned or tan! My legs have done amazing things for me the past few months. They have made me a runner! Did I ever think that when I started this blog that I would become a runner? Nope. Not even a little bit. I thought that was Dan's thing, not mine. Every stride, every mile, it was earned in a huge way. It was so much effort, it was so hard, my heart rate was high, it didn't feel right. Now that I have learned a new form, I ran the furthest I've ever run last week, 8 miles! And it felt good.

In the pursuit of bling, (since I haven't received a medal for any 5k or 8ks), a friend of mine recently convinced me to take on the Soldier Field 10 Mile race this weekend. Not only do you earn a finisher's medal, but also a stadium blanket and of course a shirt for signing up. Woot, woot! Score! So as I was looking into the salon mirror while getting my hair done last week, I noticed my legs. I thought that I really still need to work on toning them, lose more weight, get a tan, etc. But then I started thinking, wait a second. Don't be so hard on them!

Then I saw this, which summed up my thoughts exactly as I decided to take it easy on my legs.

I think I'll print this out and next time I start thinking mean things about my legs, I'll read this. Thanks legs, I appreciate ya!