I used to really dislike the quiet. So I'd turn on the tv or some music to keep from being completely alone with my thoughts. This new me emerging enjoys a quiet morning with no music, no tv, and just the sounds of the city and the construction happening on the roof ringing through my apartment. We are now 12 weeks into my unemployment. I've learned before, but know more then ever why patience is considered a virtue. Waiting to hear from a potential employer should be considered a mild form of torture, but alas, we all have to do it multiple times in our lives whether it's waiting for a professional opportunity or waiting for that little bundle of joy to arrive who will soon become the boss in your house.
I realize watching tv is a form of relaxation for me. But what I also realize is it doesn't allow me to think about me. It gives me something to laugh about or cry about or judge or just enjoy, but it doesn't help me grow. It doesn't challenge me to be who I am or give me an opportunity to ask myself questions like, "what do I want"? Granted, there is some quality television out there that may provide these opportunities, but I'm guessing the shows I used to watch, and still do when I just need a break, aren't intended for that. So now I find time to give myself a chance to choose who I am and work toward who I'm going to be when the tv is off, there's no music in the background, and I'm left alone with my thoughts and wishes. Today I wanted to write. It's funny because the job I'm currently waiting to hear about is very heavy in writing but they aren't sure of my ability since I don't have any professional writing experience. But I just assure them, I do enjoy it and would relish in the chance to do it as a part of my job.
As difficult as not knowing what's going to happen and when I'm going to land my next job is, I am so thankful for the time I've been given to truly think about and start becoming the person I've wanted to be for a long time but was too stressed or too focused on others to commit to. I believe more than anything that everything happens for a reason, and understand at this point that this time was given to me to start spreading my wings and realizing what it is that brings me joy. I'm still figuring it out but have definitely made progress.
Time to go for a run. Because I want to and I'm excited and committed to training for a half marathon. Other items on the agenda today include finalizing plans for the Europe trip we've been waiting for 10 years to take, plan a menu for appetizers for a birthday celebration tomorrow, and keep cleaning in preparation for friends to come over.
Enjoy the quiet.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Living the good life....
Being home, spending a lot of time alone, noticing dust bunnies and spider webs that I was too busy to see before... I'm finding a way to actually enjoy it. I find I'm slowly but surely becoming more of the person I want to be. Eating my veggies, (or drinking them), setting a goal and working toward it, (a half marathon!), turning off the tv and reading, organizing, cooking, or meeting friends for lunch. I feel unusually calm and incredibly thankful. Thankful to have the chance to become more of who I want to be. Thankful for friends and family for their unconditional support. Thankful for a wonderful husband who is always there when I need him. Thankful to be alive and (finally) feel like I'm thriving.
The run clinic I previously posted about changed me from a wanna-be runner to a runner! It's amazing. I run now and I feel more comfortable, I feel calmer since my heart rate is within a normal range and not too high, and I feel strong for being able to run without stopping up to 5 miles! So I signed up for a half marathon and I feel completely committed and excited about it. Week 1 of training is down, 15 more to go!
Cheers to health!
The run clinic I previously posted about changed me from a wanna-be runner to a runner! It's amazing. I run now and I feel more comfortable, I feel calmer since my heart rate is within a normal range and not too high, and I feel strong for being able to run without stopping up to 5 miles! So I signed up for a half marathon and I feel completely committed and excited about it. Week 1 of training is down, 15 more to go!
Cheers to health!
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| Juicing |
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| Running on the lake |
Monday, February 20, 2012
One foot in front of the other...
Today I'm thankful for:
* the feet in my shoes
* the run clinic that gave me tips that helped me enjoy a 3 mile run today
* friends that know me and know how to help me
As I ran today and enjoyed it more then I have in a long time, I'm reminded that life really is just one step at a time. Tomorrow will be four weeks since I lost my job. A job search is quite involved. It really is about who you know. It's discouraging, it's exciting, it's a series of steps and being in the right place at the right time and talking to the right people. So I'll continue to put one foot in front of the other as I lay the foundation to getting my next job. The feelings I've had the last four weeks have been as volatile as Nicki Minaj's wardrobe, and the next four weeks will probably be the same. But what matters is that each day I put one foot in front of the other, just like running. I wonder where my steps will take me tomorrow...
* the feet in my shoes
* the run clinic that gave me tips that helped me enjoy a 3 mile run today
* friends that know me and know how to help me
As I ran today and enjoyed it more then I have in a long time, I'm reminded that life really is just one step at a time. Tomorrow will be four weeks since I lost my job. A job search is quite involved. It really is about who you know. It's discouraging, it's exciting, it's a series of steps and being in the right place at the right time and talking to the right people. So I'll continue to put one foot in front of the other as I lay the foundation to getting my next job. The feelings I've had the last four weeks have been as volatile as Nicki Minaj's wardrobe, and the next four weeks will probably be the same. But what matters is that each day I put one foot in front of the other, just like running. I wonder where my steps will take me tomorrow...
Sunday, February 19, 2012
"Get involved!"
As we find our new normal, (I say we and mostly mean I), our weekends feel different since I know it's time spent with my partner in crime and when Monday morning comes, he'll go to work and I'll be left to keep working to figure out what's next for me.
Knowing that, and as much as I want to soak up every moment of companionship the weekend affords me, I find myself inspired to take this opportunity to make shifts toward being more of the person I want to be. I want to build confidence as I further define me, live healthier and enjoy life and the beauty it has to offer more. Dan has his crazy to attend to with a long training run this weekend, taking time to nourish his crazy, so it's time for me to open my eyes to the world outside of my previous routine and look at each day as an opportunity to grow and explore who I want to be in this next chapter of my life.
"Get involved!" These words continue to ring through my head thanks to my 6th grade teacher who may never know the impact he's had on my life. "Get involved!" aka, "turn off Bravo, get off the couch, get dressed and get out there! Life is waiting for you!" When I signed my name on the sheet yesterday to participate in a running clinic this morning, taking one of only 15 spots, I wasn't sure if I would actually get up and go. There would surely be strangers there and what if I embarrass myself? My pj's are so comfortable on a Sunday morning....
I have been attempting to begin a love affair with running for the past 5 years, but we just can't seem to find the spark. Alas, when something came up that I almost said I would skip the clinic for, I remembered my efforts to be more of the person I want to be. That includes doing things because I want to and putting myself first sometimes. I didn't offer to skip the clinic as the old me would have most certainly done. I went and so glad I did. I learned and it made me want to go try out my new found knowledge about running form to see if I wouldn't be able to woo my body into giving running another chance at some affection.
Today I say thank you:
Thanks Mr. O for searing those words into my mind. They help me do things that are outside of my comfort zone and have helped me in the past to try new things and find new friends. I will keep repeating these words as I venture into my tomorrows. Thank you.
Knowing that, and as much as I want to soak up every moment of companionship the weekend affords me, I find myself inspired to take this opportunity to make shifts toward being more of the person I want to be. I want to build confidence as I further define me, live healthier and enjoy life and the beauty it has to offer more. Dan has his crazy to attend to with a long training run this weekend, taking time to nourish his crazy, so it's time for me to open my eyes to the world outside of my previous routine and look at each day as an opportunity to grow and explore who I want to be in this next chapter of my life.
"Get involved!" These words continue to ring through my head thanks to my 6th grade teacher who may never know the impact he's had on my life. "Get involved!" aka, "turn off Bravo, get off the couch, get dressed and get out there! Life is waiting for you!" When I signed my name on the sheet yesterday to participate in a running clinic this morning, taking one of only 15 spots, I wasn't sure if I would actually get up and go. There would surely be strangers there and what if I embarrass myself? My pj's are so comfortable on a Sunday morning....
I have been attempting to begin a love affair with running for the past 5 years, but we just can't seem to find the spark. Alas, when something came up that I almost said I would skip the clinic for, I remembered my efforts to be more of the person I want to be. That includes doing things because I want to and putting myself first sometimes. I didn't offer to skip the clinic as the old me would have most certainly done. I went and so glad I did. I learned and it made me want to go try out my new found knowledge about running form to see if I wouldn't be able to woo my body into giving running another chance at some affection.
Today I say thank you:
Thanks Mr. O for searing those words into my mind. They help me do things that are outside of my comfort zone and have helped me in the past to try new things and find new friends. I will keep repeating these words as I venture into my tomorrows. Thank you.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Gratitude
Being the creature of habit that I am, it's not surprising that when change is forced upon me, it stresses me out. I lost my job three weeks ago. Although I am excited about the guaranteed change ahead, it's still change and it's still scary. I like a routine and when that routine is taken from you due to your company "eliminating your position", it's quite a roller coaster of emotions day to day. And that's ok.
I realize as I struggle with the anxiety and fear of not knowing what will happen, that what I believe most in the world is everything happens for a reason. My husband and I even have matching tattoos representing these five powerful words. As I worry about when I will get another job, money, the people I will meet, the job I will do, what I will do on my lunch hour... I have to remind myself that this is simply a new chapter in the book of my life. It's not only a new chapter, it's an entirely new section as more then 40 hours a week of my life is going to be redefined. A whole new cast of characters, new lessons, new habits, new friends, a new routine.
I have found myself overwhelmed with anxious feelings surrounding the concept of this new chapter. I think it's time for me to take control of these feelings. It's an automatic response for me to fear it. But as I look back over the past 12 years of being an adult and think about each time a new chapter of my life started, whether it was my choice or not, things do happen for a reason and I need to trust that. And most of the time, the reasons are wonderful.
It's time to start a gratitude journal. Instead of focusing on the scary parts of not knowing what's going to happen, except that I am going to have to put on a suit and heels and smile and sell myself to my future employer, it's time to find the beauty in each and every day. Time to count blessings and look to the deity that is larger then me and trust that everything will be ok. Here it goes...
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Today I am thankful for:
- Walking the streets of our neighborhood with my loving and supportive husband. We haven't done that in awhile. We are usually rushing around, planning and executing. Today we had a tax appointment and the rest of the day was up for grabs. It was so nice to just walk and talk with this amazing man who I've been with for 10 years this year. Back when we first met or even first got together, I never could have imagined what a blessing his presence in my life would be. I am so eternally grateful to call him mine.
- sunshine and blue skies in February
- flat shoes
- a warm scarf
Sunday, January 22, 2012
New Year, New Me?
Since the last time I posted, pure insanity seemed to take over. I had a lot of trips I had to take, some business, some personal - but too many for my comfort. So it's only since two weeks ago that I got home from trip #9 that I felt like I could breathe. I learned for sure that a life on the road is not for me. I knew this before, but after nine trips in five months, I realize it's time to learn the word "no".
Changes in the New Year:
1. Take control of my health and fitness - recommitted to Weight Watchers and Dan has challenged me to run the Shamrock Shuffle 8k in March.
2. Save, save, save! Our last big item on our pre-baby bucket list is to go to Italy.
3. Cooking at home - this one supports both previously stated changes. Eating out less = more money in our pockets and less calories that end up on my hips.
I'm not sure what this means for finding my own crazy, but I'm hoping that putting myself first leads me to it! Will I finally fall in love with running? I'm open to it! All signed up for the Shamrock Shuffle and officially starting training tomorrow.
Also, I'm enjoying cooking from home. With time to plan meals and my new cookbook, I'm happily eating better! Here was dinner last night:
Yum! Filet Mignon and Mushroom Stroganoff. After two weeks of getting back on track, I'm feeling much more calm and confident to make things happen. I turned 30 last August and find I'm listening more to that biological clock ticking. It's time to finally commit to a healthy lifestyle and hopefully see a change in my body. I want to feel and look better and adopt a healthier lifestyle well before we have kids. I hope to manage a healthy pregnancy and be able to drop the weight post baby without having the added challenge of losing the extra weight I'm currently carrying.
Week 1-2 lessons:
* We take our quads for granted! I blew out my quads in a lower body strength training workout and walked slow and like I had a stick up you know where for a good three days. I think going forward I will spread the love and do general whole body strength workouts until I build back up some strength. Ouch! Be thankful for the muscles that get us from point A to point B everyday!
* Cooking at home can be just as delicious as eating out. Hellllloooo Pork Carnitas and fresh guacamole!
* Saying no can be a good thing, even if it makes you less popular.
Until next time!
Changes in the New Year:
1. Take control of my health and fitness - recommitted to Weight Watchers and Dan has challenged me to run the Shamrock Shuffle 8k in March.
2. Save, save, save! Our last big item on our pre-baby bucket list is to go to Italy.
3. Cooking at home - this one supports both previously stated changes. Eating out less = more money in our pockets and less calories that end up on my hips.
I'm not sure what this means for finding my own crazy, but I'm hoping that putting myself first leads me to it! Will I finally fall in love with running? I'm open to it! All signed up for the Shamrock Shuffle and officially starting training tomorrow.
Also, I'm enjoying cooking from home. With time to plan meals and my new cookbook, I'm happily eating better! Here was dinner last night:
Yum! Filet Mignon and Mushroom Stroganoff. After two weeks of getting back on track, I'm feeling much more calm and confident to make things happen. I turned 30 last August and find I'm listening more to that biological clock ticking. It's time to finally commit to a healthy lifestyle and hopefully see a change in my body. I want to feel and look better and adopt a healthier lifestyle well before we have kids. I hope to manage a healthy pregnancy and be able to drop the weight post baby without having the added challenge of losing the extra weight I'm currently carrying.
Week 1-2 lessons:
* We take our quads for granted! I blew out my quads in a lower body strength training workout and walked slow and like I had a stick up you know where for a good three days. I think going forward I will spread the love and do general whole body strength workouts until I build back up some strength. Ouch! Be thankful for the muscles that get us from point A to point B everyday!
* Cooking at home can be just as delicious as eating out. Hellllloooo Pork Carnitas and fresh guacamole!
* Saying no can be a good thing, even if it makes you less popular.
Until next time!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
In a rut...
Yikes. Here I am again. Starting over. Life has been insanely busy the past couple of months and today is one of the first days I was able to hang out in my pj's, not put on make-up and stick around the house. Since I didn't have any place to be, it finally gave me time to think. Time to think about where I'm at and where I want to be. I'm generally quite happy with where I'm at in my life, but I know I can do better. It's time to get back in shape. It's time to get back to finding my crazy. I find it really difficult to keep starting over. I haven't been to the gym in a few weeks and I'm not following any sort of workout plan, so I find it challenging to be motivated to hit the gym when I'm not sure what I'm going to do. *sigh*
I'm also frustrated as the last time I posted I had my first experience with Bikram Yoga. I went back a second time. It was so much better then the first time, except the room smelled like stinky feet and wet towels that were growing mold. The smell wasn't something I wanted to experience again, so I didn't go back. I did try a yoga studio on my block, but didn't like the instructors. So I have one more studio close to home that I'd like to try and even bought my own yoga gear so I wouldn't have to borrow my husband's. But alas, work got in the way and I have yet to use my new yoga stuff. So frustrated!
So now I'm looking to hope back on that path I set for myself when I started writing this blog. What more do I want in my life? What do I want to commit to for me? It starts with putting one foot in front of the other. Do I go to the gym and climb back on the stair machine? Do I go to Bootcamp class? Do I try running, yet again????
To be continued...
I'm also frustrated as the last time I posted I had my first experience with Bikram Yoga. I went back a second time. It was so much better then the first time, except the room smelled like stinky feet and wet towels that were growing mold. The smell wasn't something I wanted to experience again, so I didn't go back. I did try a yoga studio on my block, but didn't like the instructors. So I have one more studio close to home that I'd like to try and even bought my own yoga gear so I wouldn't have to borrow my husband's. But alas, work got in the way and I have yet to use my new yoga stuff. So frustrated!
So now I'm looking to hope back on that path I set for myself when I started writing this blog. What more do I want in my life? What do I want to commit to for me? It starts with putting one foot in front of the other. Do I go to the gym and climb back on the stair machine? Do I go to Bootcamp class? Do I try running, yet again????
To be continued...
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