Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life. 

This song has never meant more to me as it does now. This was our high school song when I graduated. At 17, I didn't really understand the weight of these words. The first walls of my Lego castle have gone up. We have come to a few conclusions about our future.

This meandering river that is life is taking a turn, one we did not expect or anticipate to happen this year. We are going back to my home. We have decided to close down the party in Chicago this fall and move back to Denver to work towards our new goals. Turning 30 for both of us has changed our priorities. We both realize that we want to settle down. We want a house, a family, a dog, and for me, a new career. 

We came to Chicago to play. We played. We played and laughed. Hard. It has been an amazing time, and we will have been here just over three years when we leave. I feel so grateful for the experience we've had. It will always be a time in our life I look back on with a smile and joy in my heart.

With our new priorities in place, we both realize it's time to move on. It's time to enjoy and relish in the last smooth ride down the river path we're on and in a few weeks, get ready to flow with the changed course. It feels good to keep moving forward, but bittersweet to bring this fabulous chapter to a close. I owe Chicago and the friends we've made here a great deal of thanks. I'm planning a love letter to Chicago. Our friends will get theirs too.


Now more then ever it's important I live in the now. We have lots of plans to make, packing, sorting, and the fun task of moving and a 14 hour drive. But all of that will come. It's not here yet. So I want to file away the to do list and focus on being fully present in what's going on now. I love Chicago and will be sad to leave. But I'm not leaving yet - so excuse me while I relish!

Legos

I have this mental image in my mind of a pile of legos strewn across the floor, all the pieces there, but it's up to me to put them together. Arrange them in a way that makes sense and build something. I feel I've only identified that big green base and the other pieces, in a variety of shapes and colors await being chosen before anyone else can really make sense of what I see built in my head.

I've always been a person that likens things I don't understand to the things I do. And right now I can't identify all of the pieces and what they represent in rebuilding my professional life, but I know the pieces are there and it's going to take time, information, and support to decide just when to use each one and whether it's part of an individual piece or one that connects two things together. Just like building a castle out of Legos, you start with the base and sort through the loose pieces until you identify just the right one and push it into place.

I'm impatient. I want the castle built as soon as possible. But I know that it will take time. Maybe only one or two pieces will be placed a week if I'm lucky and that's hard. So I'm working on the patient part, the one that silences the "what ifs" or "I can'ts" and chooses happy in the meantime. Happy to feel excited and motivated to make this change. Happy to have the support of the most important people in my life. Happy to be taking care of me and making strides to be the best I can be both mentally and physically. I'm choosing happy even though there are unknowns and pieces that I know I won't be able to use for awhile. And as this blueprint of the next chapter of my life unfolds...

I choose happy.

Bling, Bling!

10 miles - check! I did it. I ran 10 miles! It was an amazing feeling as I completed each mile, not thinking about how many were left, but where would I be if I were on a training run? Or how far I've come not only physically but mentally too. Or admiring those that were out there with me. And of course, the bling. The bling that was waiting for me at the end. The shiny piece of metal that would say to the world - I just ran. I just ran far enough that they gave me this! I've done a number of 5k and 8k races, even a few sprint triathlons. But this is my first piece of bling, and I am proud.

It was also very cool to run during Memorial Day Weekend, finish inside Soldier Field, and hear some touching stories about our men and women in uniform during the opening ceremonies. We are so blessed to live in a country where we are free to run the streets, free to live where we want, eat where we want, work where we want, and free to say what we want to say. For this, I am thankful.

Knowing that I have come from barely being able to finish 5 miles to running 10 and feeling great gives me the experience of knowing that I can work toward something and achieve it. I now need to harness that confidence and pride into my professional life. Deciding to change careers and considering going back to school is scary. Totally scary. But nothing worth having is easy. I am working on keeping my eye on the bling at the end to help me through. Thanks to some special people in my life who remind me of this. It might be tough now, but there is bling at the end and if I want it bad enough, I can keep pushing when it hurts, when it gets uncomfortable, or when I want to stop. And for this reminder, I am also thankful.

Workin' for the bling!

Legs

It's time to be thankful for my legs instead of always wishing they were longer or thinner or more toned or tan! My legs have done amazing things for me the past few months. They have made me a runner! Did I ever think that when I started this blog that I would become a runner? Nope. Not even a little bit. I thought that was Dan's thing, not mine. Every stride, every mile, it was earned in a huge way. It was so much effort, it was so hard, my heart rate was high, it didn't feel right. Now that I have learned a new form, I ran the furthest I've ever run last week, 8 miles! And it felt good.

In the pursuit of bling, (since I haven't received a medal for any 5k or 8ks), a friend of mine recently convinced me to take on the Soldier Field 10 Mile race this weekend. Not only do you earn a finisher's medal, but also a stadium blanket and of course a shirt for signing up. Woot, woot! Score! So as I was looking into the salon mirror while getting my hair done last week, I noticed my legs. I thought that I really still need to work on toning them, lose more weight, get a tan, etc. But then I started thinking, wait a second. Don't be so hard on them!

Then I saw this, which summed up my thoughts exactly as I decided to take it easy on my legs.

I think I'll print this out and next time I start thinking mean things about my legs, I'll read this. Thanks legs, I appreciate ya!

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." by Lao Tzu

Soul searching. Reflection. Time. All of these are gifts. I believe very strongly that everything happens for a reason, and I feel I'm on the brink of discovering why I was laid off from my most recent job. Unhappy, uninspired, unengaged. This is not how I want to live my life. I was let go from a profitable position, but the profit was in my bank account, not in my soul, heart or mind. It feels as if the fog is lifting and I'm about to realize why this happened to me, (for the second time), and why it's important I take this time to search my soul and reflect on my life so far and what I want for my life going forward.

I have realized I have a true interest and developing passion for a healthy lifestyle. When thinking about what I'm passionate about, it's hard for me to think of anything beyond loving my family and friends. Enjoying the life I have while I have it, and letting those I love know it. Then I thought back to the last three months that I haven't had a job. I've taken up running and I've made an effort to learn and incorporate more healthy foods into my and my husband's diets and I am thrilled to talk to anyone about it and how they aim to live healthier.

This lead me to realize that perhaps I should look into a career as a health coach or registered dietician or nutritionist. A career that aligns with how I want to live my life, how I want to teach my future children to live, and how I would love to help others do the same.

So now I'm sorting out education options and which jobs are available for which credentials. But when I wake up in the morning and think about this as my new career, I'm excited. My belly fills with anticipation and could it be? Passion? Passion for bettering my own life, that of my loved ones, and the lives of complete strangers? What is better then that? Yes, please.

Quiet

I used to really dislike the quiet. So I'd turn on the tv or some music to keep from being completely alone with my thoughts. This new me emerging enjoys a quiet morning with no music, no tv, and just the sounds of the city and the construction happening on the roof ringing through my apartment. We are now 12 weeks into my unemployment. I've learned before, but know more then ever why patience is considered a virtue. Waiting to hear from a potential employer should be considered a mild form of torture, but alas, we all have to do it multiple times in our lives whether it's waiting for a professional opportunity or waiting for that little bundle of joy to arrive who will soon become the boss in your house.

I realize watching tv is a form of relaxation for me. But what I also realize is it doesn't allow me to think about me. It gives me something to laugh about or cry about or judge or just enjoy, but it doesn't help me grow. It doesn't challenge me to be who I am or give me an opportunity to ask myself questions like, "what do I want"? Granted, there is some quality television out there that may provide these opportunities, but I'm guessing the shows I used to watch, and still do when I just need a break, aren't intended for that. So now I find time to give myself a chance to choose who I am and work toward who I'm going to be when the tv is off, there's no music in the background, and I'm left alone with my thoughts and wishes. Today I wanted to write. It's funny because the job I'm currently waiting to hear about is very heavy in writing but they aren't sure of my ability since I don't have any professional writing experience. But I just assure them, I do enjoy it and would relish in the chance to do it as a part of my job.

As difficult as not knowing what's going to happen and when I'm going to land my next job is, I am so thankful for the time I've been given to truly think about and start becoming the person I've wanted to be for a long time but was too stressed or too focused on others to commit to. I believe more than anything that everything happens for a reason, and understand at this point that this time was given to me to start spreading my wings and realizing what it is that brings me joy. I'm still figuring it out but have definitely made progress.

Time to go for a run. Because I want to and I'm excited and committed to training for a half marathon. Other items on the agenda today include finalizing plans for the Europe trip we've been waiting for 10 years to take, plan a menu for appetizers for a birthday celebration tomorrow, and keep cleaning in preparation for friends to come over. 

Enjoy the quiet. 

Living the good life....

Being home, spending a lot of time alone, noticing dust bunnies and spider webs that I was too busy to see before... I'm finding a way to actually enjoy it.  I find I'm slowly but surely becoming more of the person I want to be.  Eating my veggies, (or drinking them), setting a goal and working toward it, (a half marathon!), turning off the tv and reading, organizing, cooking, or meeting friends for lunch.  I feel unusually calm and incredibly thankful.  Thankful to have the chance to become more of who I want to be.  Thankful for friends and family for their unconditional support.  Thankful for a wonderful husband who is always there when I need him.  Thankful to be alive and (finally) feel like I'm thriving.  

The run clinic I previously posted about changed me from a wanna-be runner to a runner!  It's amazing.  I run now and I feel more comfortable, I feel calmer since my heart rate is within a normal range and not too high, and I feel strong for being able to run without stopping up to 5 miles!  So I signed up for a half marathon and I feel completely committed and excited about it.  Week 1 of training is down, 15 more to go!  

Cheers to health!
 

Juicing

Running on the lake