What I think I look like...

The Gym

A place that is sometimes dreaded, sometimes passed up for the comfy couch or bed, sometimes annoying when there are no more spin bikes, or no treadmills available, and a place that is usually taken for granted.

I had the luxury of a gym right across the street when I lived in Chicago. I didn't even have to get in the car to go. The walkability of Chicago - one of the many things I love about it, but anyway, I digress. I didn't join a gym when we moved back to Colorado. I had the great outdoors, a fitness center in our apartment, and the guilt of being unemployed caused me to think a gym membership was something I could regain when I got a job.

After the weather turned cold, the outdoors weren't as much of an option. The apartment fitness center with two treadmills, a bike, an elliptical, free weights, and four weight machines... ya, that got old REAL fast. Not to mention the temperature was set to somewhere near 70 degrees. Ugh. So I did it, I asked to join the gym!

Today, after nearly six months, I made my triumphant return! Tour, ha, no need. I know how a gym works. Questions? I think not. I locked up my gym bag and was shown the location of the group exercise room. Ahhhhh, I have arrived! Zumba class. I took Zumba classes in Chicago, but it was a "Feevha" class disguised as a Zumba class. Now, Feevha is not much like Zumba.  Sure, there are some similar attributes, but definitely not the same.

The Zumba class was fun. The instructor very good, a nice amount of people, the music was cool, and I broke a sweat. Success! But oh boy, eyes need to stay on the instructor or the people in front who know what they're doing. Because I fully understand this now:












Eek! That can't be me in the mirror! Oh, it is. Look away, look away!

Well, regardless, I went, I did, I kind of conquered. The gym has it's challenges, but at the end of the day, sweating with other people, being told what to do for an hour, and being given a reason to leave your property and go out into the world, are all good things. I should have done it six months ago. Here's to working toward what I THINK I look like!

Four legs and a surface...

It's been months. Months since I last had the desire to write, months since we moved, months and months since I've had a job.

It's amazing what a table will do. Four legs and a surface. An invitation to sit and focus. Focus on the computer in front of me, tasks at hand, things to accomplish, even eating a meal. A laptop is just that, something to top your lap, but sinking into the couch with the tv ahead just doesn't inspire the same go get 'em attitude. 

Since the last time I wrote we've been to Italy, said goodbye to a beautiful chapter of our life and friends who have become like family, been welcomed by friends and family we left behind in Colorado who are happy to have us back, and had countless conversations about "what's next". 

Dan is training, training to move his body for 140.6 continuous miles this November, working hard, and seemingly enjoying his stay at home wife. Yup, he's still crazy, all these months later.

I've become quite the stay at home cat mom. My cats are well adjusted, social, and spoiled brats, as they should be. Dinners are cooked, rooms are cleaned, laundry is done. I lunch, I shop, I nest. I ponder what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. If only I could have a conversation with my 8 year-old self to see just what it was that inspired me back then. Lots of things inspire me now, but involve skills and experience I don't have to make me a viable candidate for payment. Shoot.

Maybe now my table, my computer, my music, candles, and focus can help me dig into more ideas of where to find a job. Someplace I can go everyday, talk to people, get paid! Weird when this becomes something that seems so impossible after more than 13 months of looking.

Ah well. In the meantime.... enjoying those Rockies:

Go time

I haven't felt much inspiration to write the past few weeks. My strengths have never lied in patience. Making the decision to relocate this fall has made the weeks when it was too early to start packing or look for a new job just feel like anticipating your birthday and realizing it is still 6 months away when you're a kid.

But now! Now we are deep into "go time"! Not only are we moving, but we are also traveling for two weeks to Italy! It's the last big item on our "pre-baby bucket list". We've been talking about going to Italy basically our entire relationship of 10 years. I think we've been subconsciously delaying it as we knew that it was something we had to do before we have kids. We are finally ready to go and are so looking forward to the time together, exploring a country with a rich history, amazing art, and fabulous food and wine. Then when we come home, we move within 10 days back to Colorado.

So many emotions have been taking place since "go time" officially started. It feels good to purge things we don't use. Give away things we know others can use, and donate to people in need. It's also stressful. Are we thinking of everything we need to do? Are we missing any key pieces? It's been waking me up early this entire week with my brain moving like a ferris wheel.  Around and around, stopping every now and then to load or unload a thought. Bittersweet is exactly what I'm feeling about leaving Chicago and moving to Denver. Leaving people who have become family isn't easy. It wasn't easy when we moved three years ago and it's not easy now. I will miss so many and so much about this city. But...  I AM excited to check out in Italy and just enjoy the moment and make some lovely memories with my partner in crime.

When we return we'll be in full swing moving mode, saying "see ya later" to family and friends, and making the most of our final days as Chicago residents. (sniff, sniff)

In the spirit of my blogging idol, Kelle Hampton, www.kellehampton.com, here are a few things I've been enjoying...

13.1 completed in Chicago's Rock 'n' Roll 1/2 Marathon!

Soaking up some sun at Lake Michigan!

Italy planning with some amazing Italian fare!

Mani/pedi's with friends and Moscato!

31st Birthday! Excited for what the next year will bring!

The beauty of Niagara Falls

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life. 

This song has never meant more to me as it does now. This was our high school song when I graduated. At 17, I didn't really understand the weight of these words. The first walls of my Lego castle have gone up. We have come to a few conclusions about our future.

This meandering river that is life is taking a turn, one we did not expect or anticipate to happen this year. We are going back to my home. We have decided to close down the party in Chicago this fall and move back to Denver to work towards our new goals. Turning 30 for both of us has changed our priorities. We both realize that we want to settle down. We want a house, a family, a dog, and for me, a new career. 

We came to Chicago to play. We played. We played and laughed. Hard. It has been an amazing time, and we will have been here just over three years when we leave. I feel so grateful for the experience we've had. It will always be a time in our life I look back on with a smile and joy in my heart.

With our new priorities in place, we both realize it's time to move on. It's time to enjoy and relish in the last smooth ride down the river path we're on and in a few weeks, get ready to flow with the changed course. It feels good to keep moving forward, but bittersweet to bring this fabulous chapter to a close. I owe Chicago and the friends we've made here a great deal of thanks. I'm planning a love letter to Chicago. Our friends will get theirs too.


Now more then ever it's important I live in the now. We have lots of plans to make, packing, sorting, and the fun task of moving and a 14 hour drive. But all of that will come. It's not here yet. So I want to file away the to do list and focus on being fully present in what's going on now. I love Chicago and will be sad to leave. But I'm not leaving yet - so excuse me while I relish!

Legos

I have this mental image in my mind of a pile of legos strewn across the floor, all the pieces there, but it's up to me to put them together. Arrange them in a way that makes sense and build something. I feel I've only identified that big green base and the other pieces, in a variety of shapes and colors await being chosen before anyone else can really make sense of what I see built in my head.

I've always been a person that likens things I don't understand to the things I do. And right now I can't identify all of the pieces and what they represent in rebuilding my professional life, but I know the pieces are there and it's going to take time, information, and support to decide just when to use each one and whether it's part of an individual piece or one that connects two things together. Just like building a castle out of Legos, you start with the base and sort through the loose pieces until you identify just the right one and push it into place.

I'm impatient. I want the castle built as soon as possible. But I know that it will take time. Maybe only one or two pieces will be placed a week if I'm lucky and that's hard. So I'm working on the patient part, the one that silences the "what ifs" or "I can'ts" and chooses happy in the meantime. Happy to feel excited and motivated to make this change. Happy to have the support of the most important people in my life. Happy to be taking care of me and making strides to be the best I can be both mentally and physically. I'm choosing happy even though there are unknowns and pieces that I know I won't be able to use for awhile. And as this blueprint of the next chapter of my life unfolds...

I choose happy.

Bling, Bling!

10 miles - check! I did it. I ran 10 miles! It was an amazing feeling as I completed each mile, not thinking about how many were left, but where would I be if I were on a training run? Or how far I've come not only physically but mentally too. Or admiring those that were out there with me. And of course, the bling. The bling that was waiting for me at the end. The shiny piece of metal that would say to the world - I just ran. I just ran far enough that they gave me this! I've done a number of 5k and 8k races, even a few sprint triathlons. But this is my first piece of bling, and I am proud.

It was also very cool to run during Memorial Day Weekend, finish inside Soldier Field, and hear some touching stories about our men and women in uniform during the opening ceremonies. We are so blessed to live in a country where we are free to run the streets, free to live where we want, eat where we want, work where we want, and free to say what we want to say. For this, I am thankful.

Knowing that I have come from barely being able to finish 5 miles to running 10 and feeling great gives me the experience of knowing that I can work toward something and achieve it. I now need to harness that confidence and pride into my professional life. Deciding to change careers and considering going back to school is scary. Totally scary. But nothing worth having is easy. I am working on keeping my eye on the bling at the end to help me through. Thanks to some special people in my life who remind me of this. It might be tough now, but there is bling at the end and if I want it bad enough, I can keep pushing when it hurts, when it gets uncomfortable, or when I want to stop. And for this reminder, I am also thankful.

Workin' for the bling!

Legs

It's time to be thankful for my legs instead of always wishing they were longer or thinner or more toned or tan! My legs have done amazing things for me the past few months. They have made me a runner! Did I ever think that when I started this blog that I would become a runner? Nope. Not even a little bit. I thought that was Dan's thing, not mine. Every stride, every mile, it was earned in a huge way. It was so much effort, it was so hard, my heart rate was high, it didn't feel right. Now that I have learned a new form, I ran the furthest I've ever run last week, 8 miles! And it felt good.

In the pursuit of bling, (since I haven't received a medal for any 5k or 8ks), a friend of mine recently convinced me to take on the Soldier Field 10 Mile race this weekend. Not only do you earn a finisher's medal, but also a stadium blanket and of course a shirt for signing up. Woot, woot! Score! So as I was looking into the salon mirror while getting my hair done last week, I noticed my legs. I thought that I really still need to work on toning them, lose more weight, get a tan, etc. But then I started thinking, wait a second. Don't be so hard on them!

Then I saw this, which summed up my thoughts exactly as I decided to take it easy on my legs.

I think I'll print this out and next time I start thinking mean things about my legs, I'll read this. Thanks legs, I appreciate ya!

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." by Lao Tzu

Soul searching. Reflection. Time. All of these are gifts. I believe very strongly that everything happens for a reason, and I feel I'm on the brink of discovering why I was laid off from my most recent job. Unhappy, uninspired, unengaged. This is not how I want to live my life. I was let go from a profitable position, but the profit was in my bank account, not in my soul, heart or mind. It feels as if the fog is lifting and I'm about to realize why this happened to me, (for the second time), and why it's important I take this time to search my soul and reflect on my life so far and what I want for my life going forward.

I have realized I have a true interest and developing passion for a healthy lifestyle. When thinking about what I'm passionate about, it's hard for me to think of anything beyond loving my family and friends. Enjoying the life I have while I have it, and letting those I love know it. Then I thought back to the last three months that I haven't had a job. I've taken up running and I've made an effort to learn and incorporate more healthy foods into my and my husband's diets and I am thrilled to talk to anyone about it and how they aim to live healthier.

This lead me to realize that perhaps I should look into a career as a health coach or registered dietician or nutritionist. A career that aligns with how I want to live my life, how I want to teach my future children to live, and how I would love to help others do the same.

So now I'm sorting out education options and which jobs are available for which credentials. But when I wake up in the morning and think about this as my new career, I'm excited. My belly fills with anticipation and could it be? Passion? Passion for bettering my own life, that of my loved ones, and the lives of complete strangers? What is better then that? Yes, please.

Quiet

I used to really dislike the quiet. So I'd turn on the tv or some music to keep from being completely alone with my thoughts. This new me emerging enjoys a quiet morning with no music, no tv, and just the sounds of the city and the construction happening on the roof ringing through my apartment. We are now 12 weeks into my unemployment. I've learned before, but know more then ever why patience is considered a virtue. Waiting to hear from a potential employer should be considered a mild form of torture, but alas, we all have to do it multiple times in our lives whether it's waiting for a professional opportunity or waiting for that little bundle of joy to arrive who will soon become the boss in your house.

I realize watching tv is a form of relaxation for me. But what I also realize is it doesn't allow me to think about me. It gives me something to laugh about or cry about or judge or just enjoy, but it doesn't help me grow. It doesn't challenge me to be who I am or give me an opportunity to ask myself questions like, "what do I want"? Granted, there is some quality television out there that may provide these opportunities, but I'm guessing the shows I used to watch, and still do when I just need a break, aren't intended for that. So now I find time to give myself a chance to choose who I am and work toward who I'm going to be when the tv is off, there's no music in the background, and I'm left alone with my thoughts and wishes. Today I wanted to write. It's funny because the job I'm currently waiting to hear about is very heavy in writing but they aren't sure of my ability since I don't have any professional writing experience. But I just assure them, I do enjoy it and would relish in the chance to do it as a part of my job.

As difficult as not knowing what's going to happen and when I'm going to land my next job is, I am so thankful for the time I've been given to truly think about and start becoming the person I've wanted to be for a long time but was too stressed or too focused on others to commit to. I believe more than anything that everything happens for a reason, and understand at this point that this time was given to me to start spreading my wings and realizing what it is that brings me joy. I'm still figuring it out but have definitely made progress.

Time to go for a run. Because I want to and I'm excited and committed to training for a half marathon. Other items on the agenda today include finalizing plans for the Europe trip we've been waiting for 10 years to take, plan a menu for appetizers for a birthday celebration tomorrow, and keep cleaning in preparation for friends to come over. 

Enjoy the quiet. 

Living the good life....

Being home, spending a lot of time alone, noticing dust bunnies and spider webs that I was too busy to see before... I'm finding a way to actually enjoy it.  I find I'm slowly but surely becoming more of the person I want to be.  Eating my veggies, (or drinking them), setting a goal and working toward it, (a half marathon!), turning off the tv and reading, organizing, cooking, or meeting friends for lunch.  I feel unusually calm and incredibly thankful.  Thankful to have the chance to become more of who I want to be.  Thankful for friends and family for their unconditional support.  Thankful for a wonderful husband who is always there when I need him.  Thankful to be alive and (finally) feel like I'm thriving.  

The run clinic I previously posted about changed me from a wanna-be runner to a runner!  It's amazing.  I run now and I feel more comfortable, I feel calmer since my heart rate is within a normal range and not too high, and I feel strong for being able to run without stopping up to 5 miles!  So I signed up for a half marathon and I feel completely committed and excited about it.  Week 1 of training is down, 15 more to go!  

Cheers to health!
 

Juicing

Running on the lake

 

One foot in front of the other...

Today I'm thankful for:

* the feet in my shoes 
* the run clinic that gave me tips that helped me enjoy a 3 mile run today
* friends that know me and know how to help me

As I ran today and enjoyed it more then I have in a long time, I'm reminded that life really is just one step at a time.  Tomorrow will be four weeks since I lost my job.  A job search is quite involved.  It really is about who you know.  It's discouraging, it's exciting, it's a series of steps and being in the right place at the right time and talking to the right people.  So I'll continue to put one foot in front of the other as I lay the foundation to getting my next job.  The feelings I've had the last four weeks have been as volatile as Nicki Minaj's wardrobe, and the next four weeks will probably be the same.  But what matters is that each day I put one foot in front of the other, just like running. I wonder where my steps will take me tomorrow... 

"Get involved!"

As we find our new normal, (I say we and mostly mean I), our weekends feel different since I know it's time spent with my partner in crime and when Monday morning comes, he'll go to work and I'll be left to keep working to figure out what's next for me.  

Knowing that, and as much as I want to soak up every moment of companionship the weekend affords me, I find myself inspired to take this opportunity to make shifts toward being more of the person I want to be.  I want to build confidence as I further define me, live healthier and enjoy life and the beauty it has to offer more.  Dan has his crazy to attend to with a long training run this weekend, taking time to nourish his crazy, so it's time for me to open my eyes to the world outside of my previous routine and look at each day as an opportunity to grow and explore who I want to be in this next chapter of my life.


"Get involved!"  These words continue to ring through my head thanks to my 6th grade teacher who may never know the impact he's had on my life.  "Get involved!" aka, "turn off Bravo, get off the couch, get dressed and get out there!  Life is waiting for you!"  When I signed my name on the sheet yesterday to participate in a running clinic this morning, taking one of only 15 spots, I wasn't sure if I would actually get up and go.  There would surely be strangers there and what if I embarrass myself?  My pj's are so comfortable on a Sunday morning....

I have been attempting to begin a love affair with running for the past 5 years, but we just can't seem to find the spark.  Alas, when something came up that I almost said I would skip the clinic for, I remembered my efforts to be more of the person I want to be.  That includes doing things because I want to and putting myself first sometimes.  I didn't offer to skip the clinic as the old me would have most certainly done.  I went and so glad I did.  I learned and it made me want to go try out my new found knowledge about running form to see if I wouldn't be able to woo my body into giving running another chance at some affection.


Today I say thank you:

Thanks Mr. O for searing those words into my mind.  They help me do things that are outside of my comfort zone and have helped me in the past to try new things and find new friends.  I will keep repeating these words as I venture into my tomorrows.  Thank you.

Gratitude

Being the creature of habit that I am, it's not surprising that when change is forced upon me, it stresses me out.  I lost my job three weeks ago.  Although I am excited about the guaranteed change ahead, it's still change and it's still scary.  I like a routine and when that routine is taken from you due to your company "eliminating your position", it's quite a roller coaster of emotions day to day.  And that's ok.

I realize as I struggle with the anxiety and fear of not knowing what will happen, that what I believe most in the world is everything happens for a reason.  My husband and I even have matching tattoos representing these five powerful words.   As I worry about when I will get another job, money, the people I will meet, the job I will do, what I will do on my lunch hour... I have to remind myself that this is simply a new chapter in the book of my life.  It's not only a new chapter, it's an entirely new section as more then 40 hours a week of my life is going to be redefined.  A whole new cast of characters, new lessons, new habits, new friends, a new routine.

I have found myself overwhelmed with anxious feelings surrounding the concept of this new chapter.  I think it's time for me to take control of these feelings.  It's an automatic response for me to fear it.  But as I look back over the past 12 years of being an adult and think about each time a new chapter of my life started, whether it was my choice or not, things do happen for a reason and I need to trust that.  And most of the time, the reasons are wonderful.

It's time to start a gratitude journal.  Instead of focusing on the scary parts of not knowing what's going to happen, except that I am going to have to put on a suit and heels and smile and sell myself to my future employer, it's time to find the beauty in each and every day.  Time to count blessings and look to the deity that is larger then me and trust that everything will be ok.  Here it goes...

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Today I am thankful for:

• Walking the streets of our neighborhood with my loving and supportive husband.  We haven't done that in awhile.  We are usually rushing around, planning and executing.  Today we had a tax appointment and the rest of the day was up for grabs.  It was so nice to just walk and talk with this amazing man who I've been with for 10 years this year.  Back when we first met or even first got together, I never could have imagined what a blessing his presence in my life would be.  I am so eternally grateful to call him mine.

• sunshine and blue skies in February
• flat shoes
• a warm scarf

Until tomorrow...




 

New Year, New Me?

Since the last time I posted, pure insanity seemed to take over.  I had a lot of trips I had to take, some business, some personal - but too many for my comfort.  So it's only since two weeks ago that I got home from trip #9 that I felt like I could breathe.  I learned for sure that a life on the road is not for me.  I knew this before, but after nine trips in five months, I realize it's time to learn the word "no".  


Changes in the New Year:
1. Take control of my health and fitness - recommitted to Weight Watchers and Dan has challenged me to run the Shamrock Shuffle 8k in March.
2. Save, save, save!  Our last big item on our pre-baby bucket list is to go to Italy. 
3. Cooking at home - this one supports both previously stated changes.  Eating out less = more money in our pockets and less calories that end up on my hips.


I'm not sure what this means for finding my own crazy, but I'm hoping that putting myself first leads me to it!  Will I finally fall in love with running?  I'm open to it!  All signed up for the Shamrock Shuffle and officially starting training tomorrow.


Also, I'm enjoying cooking from home.  With time to plan meals and my new cookbook, I'm happily eating better!  Here was dinner last night:

Yum!  Filet Mignon and Mushroom Stroganoff.  After two weeks of getting back on track, I'm feeling much more calm and confident to make things happen.  I turned 30 last August and find I'm listening more to that biological clock ticking.  It's time to finally commit to a healthy lifestyle and hopefully see a change in my body.  I want to feel and look better and adopt a healthier lifestyle well before we have kids.  I hope to manage a healthy pregnancy and be able to drop the weight post baby without having the added challenge of losing the extra weight I'm currently carrying.  

Week 1-2 lessons:
* We take our quads for granted!  I blew out my quads in a lower body strength training workout and walked slow and like I had a stick up you know where for a good three days.  I think going forward I will spread the love and do general whole body strength workouts until I build back up some strength.  Ouch!  Be thankful for the muscles that get us from point A to point B everyday!

* Cooking at home can be just as delicious as eating out.  Hellllloooo Pork Carnitas and fresh guacamole!  


* Saying no can be a good thing, even if it makes you less popular.

Until next time!
 

In a rut...

Yikes.  Here I am again.  Starting over.  Life has been insanely busy the past couple of months and today is one of the first days I was able to hang out in my pj's, not put on make-up and stick around the house.  Since I didn't have any place to be, it finally gave me time to think.  Time to think about where I'm at and where I want to be.  I'm generally quite happy with where I'm at in my life, but I know I can do better.  It's time to get back in shape.  It's time to get back to finding my crazy.  I find it really difficult to keep starting over.  I haven't been to the gym in a few weeks and I'm not following any sort of workout plan, so I find it challenging to be motivated to hit the gym when I'm not sure what I'm going to do.  *sigh*

I'm also frustrated as the last time I posted I had my first experience with Bikram Yoga.  I went back a second time.  It was so much better then the first time, except the room smelled like stinky feet and wet towels that were growing mold.  The smell wasn't something I wanted to experience again, so I didn't go back.  I did try a yoga studio on my block, but didn't like the instructors.  So I have one more studio close to home that I'd like to try and even bought my own yoga gear so I wouldn't have to borrow my husband's.  But alas, work got in the way and I have yet to use my new yoga stuff.  So frustrated!  

So now I'm looking to hope back on that path I set for myself when I started writing this blog.  What more do I want in my life?  What do I want to commit to for me?  It starts with putting one foot in front of the other.  Do I go to the gym and climb back on the stair machine?  Do I go to Bootcamp class?  Do I try running, yet again????

To be continued... 

Dear Bikram Yoga

As I laid down in the hot room before class started, I was staring at the fan going round and round.  But that fan wasn't there to cool us down, it was there to churn the hot, sweaty air.  As I laid there on the mat watching the fan turn, I thought, "this isn't so bad.  It just feels like a sauna, which is actually kind of nice."  Rookie mistake.  I identified myself as a newbie, and as I look around the room, I'm one of a few, and I realize I'm in the front row.  Awesome.  It's hot.  I'm dripping, she's dripping, everyone's dripping!  How much longer?  There is no clock in the room, and I thought I'd be able to count the poses, knowing there are 26, then I could surely figure out where we were in the class.  Ha!  That plan was blown immediately as I found myself focusing on staying upright and alert!  I was very aware of the warning signs of passing out.  Ears closing, light bursts appearing  and I just kept telling myself, "don't pass out, don't pass out!" 

Basically Bikram Yoga, you kicked my ass!  I had to rest a lot, I even tried fanning myself with my towel, (which the seasoned woman next to me kindly mentioned that would only make me hotter.)  But, I'm thrilled to report that I did not pass out and I did not puke!  So I consider my first Bikram yoga class a success.  I have signed up for two more classes, and even though I'm not particularly excited to go back, I think I ought to give you a fair shot.  Bikram - are you my passion?  Are you my crazy?  Is it possible that I will get hooked and be motivated to keep going back to get better and better?  I think this remains to be seen.

A special shout out to those in class who bared almost all.  Making me feel comfortable to embrace my body and embrace the fact that it is HOT in there and even if my body isn't perfect, I'm there sweating with everyone else in pursuit of a healthy and strong body!

Maybe yours,

Nelle

The plan

To find one's crazy, I realize one has to try new things.  So it is my intention to try a minimum of two new things per month until I find some activity that elevates my participation from, "ya, I tried that once" to "you're crazy" status.  The way I will know when I achieve this is when a person's response to hearing about my passion for this new hobby or obsession is, "you're crazy!"  I know this because as Dan was discovering his crazy for running, my response was and often still is, "you're crazy!"  Whether it be because he is registered for two marathons within 4 weeks of each other or because he set his alarm for 4:30am, not to watch the royal wedding live, or to catch an early flight, but to get a 17 mile run in before he went to work!  The only logical response to these things from someone that does not share his crazy is that he is in fact, you got it, "crazy!"

Last summer I tried a couple of new things including paint class and guitar lessons.  Needless to say neither one stuck.  Paint class was very fun.  I especially enjoyed the starving artist instructor and the fact that he could come to work in an outfit that very closely resembled pajamas.  The only problem was he would throw together a painting in less than 5 minutes that far surpassed my feeble attempt to paint the same glass bottle.  This, for my competitive side, was not pleasing to me.  Granted, he went to graduate school and honed in on his craft for no doubt hundreds of hours, maybe even thousands and surely thousands of dollars, but I wanted to find some amazing, hidden talent, that unfortunately, was too hidden for a 6 week class to uncover.


Then there was guitar class.  I played piano and violin as a kid, so I thought surely I'd take to the guitar without any problems.  And I really did enjoy it, I especially enjoyed that my teacher encourage us to bring booze to help us relax and feel the music.  But my practical side wasn't sure where I would use these skills.  Will I sit in the subway with my open guitar case and play for people who had to be there to catch a train, hoping for a couple of bucks?  Will I find out I'm amazingly talented and find myself at House of Blues playing in a band?  Will I start to play in the park and attract an audience?  None of these options seemed likely, so I didn't sign up for the next level class.


I did learn one thing from these failed attempts at finding crazy last year.  I need to put my competitive side and practical side to rest.  My crazy will be developed out of something I enjoy!  My crazy doesn't have to hang on the wall or have an audience.  I realize that now and am ready to open my mind to my crazy!  


Up next: June picks!

The inspiration

My painting

Instructor's painting - literally, 5 minutes!

Where it all began: Chapters 1-4 and what it all means

Chapter 1: It began with a decision for my city mouse husband to move to Denver, CO.  Who knew that my pizza loving, bubble butt, baseball player boyfriend would end up my lean, mean running machine husband!   (The pizza has stuck around, but the bubble butt has since disappeared.) 

Chapter 2: Dan bought a bike.  Dan decided to ride his bike.  Dan worked up to riding his bike 18 miles round trip to work and home everyday.  

Chapter 3: When we moved from Denver back to his hometown of Chicago, the opportunity came up for him to run the Chicago Marathon.  Dan ran, but not as much as he biked.  He decided he could do it and trained for the three weeks he had prior to the race.  Dan ran that race.  His time was: 4:40:04.  Dan then hurt for about six months after the race due to the brevity of his training program.  Dan then decided he could do better.  

Chapter 4: During all of this bike riding, running madness, Dan reached his goal weight and as a result, seems to be in the best shape of his life.  Dan ran the 2010 Chicago Marathon and came in at 4:05:59.  Just a little too close to completing the race under four hours.  So, like anyone who claims that their crazy is running, he registered for the 2011 Chicago Marathon in hopes to see a 3 at the beginning of his time.  And as if that wasn't enough, he also entered the lottery for the NYC Marathon.  Guess what?  He was picked!  So not only will he be running 26.2 miles in Chicago, but a mere four weeks later, he'll be taking a 26.2 mile tour of NYC on his two feet.

What it means: I am exceedingly proud of my former bubble butt husband.  He has worked so hard and as he puts it, he has "found his crazy".  I am his biggest cheerleader, but while cheering him on and supporting him, (even when I roll my eyes and wonder if he can get any more lean as he leaves for yet another session at the gym), I realize I don't have a crazy, (because I'm guessing wine and manicures don't count), and I want one.  His determination and self motivation is something I admire and I am taking on the challenge to find my own crazy.   It may not be something that whittles my frame to its' absolute leanest, but I'm searching for just some of that passion that has motivated him to commit to running two races totaling  54.4 miles within a month.  I've created this blog as a way to hold myself accountable to find my crazy as he blogs about his.

A happily married woman's journey to find her own crazy.